cup of joanna

I wrote in my Bible today…

March 13th, 2024

For the first time in a long time I felt the Spirit along side me as I read. If you know me personally you know I love my Bibles (yes plural I have four I rotate through). The last two years have felt like a bit of a dry season. I do not know how to put it into words the season I have been walking through.

A season where I was reading the Word everyday but not feeling hope. Where I would finish reading and just think where are you Lord? Where is this peace I use to feel? If I am honest I was beginning to think I may not feel his joy on this side of heaven again. But then I also knew this was not true because God’s Word says we can have the joy of the Lord as our strength. The margins in my Bible did not get much scribble the last two years… Which is weird because I am one who writes prayers and notes with dates… 2021 had a lot of notes but it goes kind of blank…

I knew I had to keep staying in the Word even if I still felt hungry after reading because without it I can not even begin to think how much lower i would of got… Today I was in the Old Testament and right there on the pages I saw the Scripture Jesus quoted to Satan when he was being tempted and I wept. In the Lent season the Holy Spirit reminded me of what Jesus did…

I frantically started circling and writing. It was like my lungs are filled with air… This lead to true worship on my run, which caused tears and a cleansing of my soul…. Maybe God was being quite so I would be quite… Maybe I needed to stop talking and start listening…

If you are in a dry season wondering where He is. I challenge you to keep reading His Word he will bring you the living water you need… I am praying you…
Seasons…

February 4th, 2024

That is the word that comes to mind when I think of this military life… There are seasons of deployments… Seasons of moving… Seasons of new… Seasons of old.. Seasons of lonely… Seasons of promotions… Seasons of I do not want to do another move….(I know life is seasons, for non military families too).

I have been doing this military spouse thing for 15 years… Most days I love this life other times I hate it because sometimes certain seasons can come with 10 minutes notice (If you are a military spouse I think I heard an amen). I have sat with other military wives as we are sitting in the season of being a “single parent” while our husbands are in their season of deployment, talking about the season of when they are home…

I am in the season of 7 months here and just kind of getting a groove. This season of being in a new place is always a lot of emotions right? Like ok Lord you called us here, why? Sometimes I peak into the last season of where we lived and think to myself that was the best season… My husband says to me you always say that… There are seasons when you realize God put people in your life there to help you… It is ok if that season has changed and it looks different…Like winter in Florida verse winter in Kansas… Same season different views on it…. Are you in a season right now? Maybe a hard season.. a happy season.. an unknown season..

King Solomon talks about there being a time for everything in Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8…”a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted….a time to mourn a time to dance…a time to speak..” (go read it all. I just chose a few lines) A lot of times we focus on the season and forget that it all comes in waves… God wants you to focus on him and not on the season and to understand HE is there through it all….

Seasons… They are the best and the worst for us mere humans… But God uses it all for growth…. Use this season you are in right now to focus on God and what he has for you in this moment.
Yesterday

January 19th, 2024

I turned 35…. It was my birthday… I have always had a love hate relationship with birthdays. I am not sure why. Birthdays have always caused me a lot of anxiety and fear. Growing up the youngest of 8 children I think there was this sense of dread because I watched as each of siblings got more responsibility and that meant I was going to have them too. Maybe it was the fear of no one showing up for my birthday party… Yesterday I turned 35…

And you know what it was the BEST day. Still some emotions but not the sadness that usually comes along with it. The first time in a long time there was JOY and excitement about growing up. Yesterday was my birthday…

I turned 35. I felt the Lord say to me ” I am not finished with you. I want you to step out in faith even more. I want you to love even harder than you have ever loved in your life.” Usually these types of things scare me. For the time in forever my anxiety has seized because this birthday the Lord opened my eyes to see Him more clearly. For the first time I woke up excited to grow up. I did not worry about if people forgot about me or what responsibilities might be added.

Yesterday I turned 35…. I am not scared anymore to get gray hair and wrinkles. We live in a world that says we need to stop aging, hide your age. What if we started embracing what we consider imperfections and rest in Christ perfection. What if we snort laughed and did not care who heard us because we are no longer worried about fitting a world mold but instead we wanted to fit in God’s mold?

Yesterday I turned 35… The only tears I cried were ones of gratitude because I was given another year on this earth to point people to Jesus, to grow older with my man and love my girls well…. Yesterday I turned 35… and I said out loud Here I am Lord send me…..
It is OK to Have Hard Days…

December 28th, 2023

Let me repeat that again it is ok to have hard days…. It is ok to have a bad day.. What is not ok is to take everyone down with you…. I am saying this because I have taken my bad day out on those around me because I wanted them to feel the same way I felt… That is not fair to anyone not even myself.

As a follower of Christ I am called to be a light… I hear the sigh because honestly I just sighed typing it. Some days I do not want to be light I want to be a stinker. I want to be like the world telling me it is ok to be angry,it is ok to bring everyone down with you because you are having a hard day, it is ok to be offended….I hear the world saying it is ok, the world tells us to be angry, to be offended, ignore those who have hurt you. I even hear the world preaching this… I in some ways have bought into it. I have said to myself I deserve to be angry, I deserve to be hurt because of what was done to me…

As I study Scripture the more realize God never once said it was good for man to be angry. I feel people right now saying what about righteous anger? Can I a human truly have righteous anger? I think about how throughout Scripture anger led to sin. Cain and Abel anger and jealousy caused murder… I hear you right now “that was not righteous anger.. that was a brother jealous.” Ok… How about Peter? In the garden his anger got the best of him and he cut off a soldiers ear. Jesus told him to stop, and Jesus healed that man. Jesus never called us to do things in anger…. He told us to do things in love. Even when we are having a bad day the most loving thing we can do is decide not to take it out anyone else… They could be the person who changes our whole day…

I have caused more damage than good when I let my belly button view become my only view. I get so worried about how unfair my day was that I forget to be like Jesus… I forget to be the light of the world. Friends it is ok to have a bad day… Do NOT let that bad day continue to bleed into the following days, weeks, months and years. I have unfortunately done that. I was glorifying the enemy over the Maker. As 2023 ends and 2024 is just around the corner I challenge each of you to let go of the bad days and walk in the newness. Jesus came back not angry at those who crucified Him, He came calling each of us to be the light. Oh 2024 I cannot wait to see how we can be the change for Kingdom glory.

Credit to my friend who sent this… She knows who she is…
What If….

October 9th, 2023

That is a statement that has been a cause of some anxiety in my life… The what if would lead me down so many rabbit holes I would not even remember what the original what if was… Satan had a stronghold in my life.. What if… What if… What if… I can not tell you how many moments I lost in the now because I was lost in the what if world….

What if use to be my bondage but now it is an anthem in my life… As a child (and an adult) I would ask myself what if people think I am weird because I love Jesus so much… In high school this caused me to search for the world to fill me because I did not want people to not like me… In the last few years the what ifs changed but the core to all of them is, what if Jesus asks me to do something that makes me lose friends…or makes me uncomfortable.

I used to be scared to pray with people, or talk about my faith because I did not want to make people uncomfortable… I would talk about Jesus with people who I knew believed the same way that I did because it was comfortable… Then one day a switch flipped.. what if… I started to be so bold in my faith that instead of worrying about being weird I started worrying about those hurting people around me…

What if instead of saying I will pray for you, I did pray for you right there in the middle of the grocery store aisle because you know what? There is power in prayer… What if… instead of worrying about people looking at me in worship I started to just worry about worshiping and giving God my best…

Here is what is friends, the truth of the matter is I have lost friends because of my faith. It makes sense because Jesus said in John 15:19 “if you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you”. I think of so many moments where I did not share the Gospel because I feared man over fearing the Lord. I feared being laughed at that I did not reach out and pray with that stranger because I did not want them to feel uncomfortable.

What if we lived our Christian walk outside of the safe walls of church on Sunday.. What if we prayed with that stranger.. What if we shared our story, the good, the bad the ugly because it could change someones life… Satan would lose a lot of strongholds in peoples lives… What if we took a step toward the uncomfortable if it meant someone came to know Jesus and their what if turned into eternity with Jesus? What if we love someone right where they are when everyone else has left… Can you imagine….
What do you do…

August 17th, 2023

Ummm I ummm…. This question is one of my least favorite questions to be asked… I always stumble with this question because for the longest time I would feel ashamed, when my response was “I am just a mom”. My hands would always get sweaty, I would start to jumble words, look at my husband to help me.

The last time I really struggled with this question was when we were in Bangladesh, it was over lunch and the question came, I felt my defenses come up. I got home and cried. I told my husband sobbing why is that the question. Why can it not be who are you? That question I can answer, with more ease, I am so and so’s mom, I am the daughter of blank, I am so and so sibling.

Our pastor challenged us this weekend with who are you, and what are you? You see friends when we answer these questions the answers is usually our occupation or associating with someone else here on this planet. I too answer the same way. I think I struggle with the question being asked what do you do instead of who you are is because what I do is not who I am.

I struggled with this question because I was measuring and comparing myself and forgetting who God says I am. I am chosen ( 1 Peter 2:9). I am forgiven (Romans 8). I am a child of God (2 Cor 6:8).

When you are a follower of Jesus you are all those things. These earthly titles fade but you know what doesn’t Child of God. My identity is a follower of Christ. That means I am on God’s team ready to play for Him. That means living out this truth. I know I will still stumble and get distracted by the world’s definition of what I do.

Friend if you do not know Jesus yet and wrestle every day with who am I, why am I am here? I ask you to read the Scriptures above. I pray you will find your identity is found only in Christ, not this world. You will find freedom in Him who created you. We long to be known, God knows you. He wants you to know who you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Jesus thought you were enough to die for on the cross.

For my friend who is a follower of Jesus. You are a Child of God. Do all of what you do well because you know who you are and whose you are. You are seen.
I run to the Father….

July 28th, 2023

Except when I don’t…. Recently at church we were singing the “Run to the Father” by Cody Carnes. It is a beautiful song the lyrics state “I run to the Father. I fall into grace. I’m done with the hiding, no reason wait. My heart needs a surgeon. My soul needs a friend so I run to the Father again and again”.

I have had this song on repeat and have belted it on my commute to work. Today I put it on blast because I wanted to battle against Satan with praise. As I was singing the again and again part. I heard the Spirit whisper, “until you don’t”…… Wait what I said out loud…. The Spirit again whispered “until you don’t”.

I had to ask God to explain this to me because I feel like I run to the Father but as I heard the whisper of the Spirit I saw so many times when I have not. Throughout my life I have looked for things to run to that I thought would fulfill me.

Maybe you run to your spouse, or your friends, or alcohol, or binge watching, instead of the Father.. There is no judgement here friends…. I have done all of the above and then some. I am still learning to run to Him. He loves us because He created us. He is everything we need. He will satisfy you to the brim…. Nothing else in this world can satisfy you the way the Father does….

God always has open arms when we run to him even if it is not our first choice. He meets us where we are at. Especially when we start running towards him even if it has been years There may be some consequences when we chase things of this world instead of running to Him. That is why we have Jesus…

Life is a marathon so I run to the Father again and again…..
Rear view mirror….

July 5th, 2023

I remember looking at the Rocky Mountains in my rear view mirror as I left Colorado, after visiting my friend for Spring break. It was a trip of healing. The last time I saw those mountains I hoped I never had to see them again. You see those mountains were what I saw every morning from the balcony of our apartment when we lived in Colorado.

For a lot of people mountains are where they feel God. For me the mountains were a representation of a hard season. Mountain time moments are what we all speak of. The breath taking view…. For me the mountains were resentment, anger, hurt….

As I drove away seeing them in the rear view mirror there was no more pain. There was healing. I heard God say, “to move forward you have to stop looking in the rear view mirror”. I thought I understood that day what it meant to move on… But here I sit hearing the Holy Spirit telling me again “stop looking in the rear view mirror. You are going to crash because you are so focused on what is behind you that you do not see what is in front of you”.

Have you ever been there? A place where you are not just glancing at the rear view mirror to see if it is safe to back up or switch lanes but staring, focusing so much on what is behind you that you forget to look forward and…… CRASH……

I have more times that I care to count the last few years ago. I lost focus on where God was leading me that I ended up burnt out, angry, neglecting my health, not a joyful person. Looking to figure out how to fix the past, the only way you can do that is if you look forward. To not let things in the past steal from the joy of today.

Maybe you are where I am talking about…. Maybe you have CRASHED, feeling totaled, not repairable…. Oh friend if I could look you straight in the eyes I would say to you, “Jesus can fix the totaled car. He is asking you to look forward he is waiting for you. He just wants your gaze. He doesn’t see broken beyond repair. He sees redemption, he sees a saint (if you are a follower of Christ).”

Jesus has never looked in the rear view mirror wondering if it was worth it. He is not looking back thinking why God? HE is looking forward to knowing his death on the cross made it so we could also look forward, to the Kingdom to come.

I do not know where you are this season. I do know from experience looking forward is so much better than looking back. Only look back to see how far you have come. A quick check, then fix your gaze forward. You are going to move forward safely with your gaze fixed ahead.
THY WILL BE DONE…

June 24th, 2023

Those are the words Jesus spoke as he talked to our Heavenly Father…. I mean knowing in moments he would be betrayed by someone in His inner circle. Have you ever truly reflected on those words Jesus spoke? “Father not my will BUT your will be done.”

I think about thy will a lot actually probably numerous times a week, I hear the Spirit in the middle of my whining and complaining “thy will be done”. I usually swallow pretty hard because I see how much I say I want His Will in my life but then when the hard comes, I shake my head and seriously question God.

As I sit here in my kitchen after driving home from work really chewing on the phase “Thy will be done”. I have said it but have I been bold enough to actually be ok if my Heavenly Father’s will in my life looks a lot different than what I want….

Ya’ll I have Thy Will over My Will tattooed on my upper back and I still wrestle with this question. I sit here thinking about Jesus saying take this cup from me Lord but not my will, but your will be done (Paraphrase). Jesus knew what the Father was asking. He was asking Jesus to save you and me from being separated from God. He was asking Jesus to die a gruesome death on the cross, being beat beyond recognition for us. Jesus knew it was going to be painful, hard but he did God’s will because he loves us that much and wants us with him.

If I am honest I struggle to try to pray these words “thy will over my will” with my whole heart because I am scared what God’s will may be. What if he asks me to give up everything of comfort and live overseas? What if he is asking me to give up a job? Love someone who seems unlovable? Be hated for Jesus name? Forgiving someone?

Then Jesus comes to mind, he prayed those words so I could be one with him in eternity. The fear fads a little. I feel this pulling in my soul, if I pray these words and live in the father’s will and follow him wherever that may be, I know it will be worth it. Even if it walking a path that is lonely for His glory. I smile thinking about how God’s will always leads me to his loving arms and towards eternity. This life on earth is momentary when we focus on eternity.

Are you ready to pray thy will over my will boldly with me? Being ok with whatever it looks like? We have the promise we are never forsaken, we can trust knowing that is the truth.
“Lord, if it’s you”

June 6th, 2023

Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water” (Matthew 14:28 NIV). I mean imagine being Peter in this moment walking to our Savior Jesus. I imagine a smile on his face as he walking on the water, with his gaze fixed on Jesus. In that moment he probably felt unstoppable. But then… “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” (Matthew 14:30 NIV).

Have you ever had a Peter on the water moment? You are stepping out of the boat to walk in God’s calling with your eyes fixed on the Creator, then you take your eyes off for not even a second and you are sinking and crying out “Lord, save me!” I know I have too many times to even count. I have prayed big prayers, God answers yes then a wind of doubt, anxiety, a hurtful comment come and I take my eyes off of Jesus and on to those things. I begin to sink….

“Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31 NIV).

Immediately……. that word is circled throughout my Bible. Immediately Jesus reached out his hand for Peter. Immediately…. Jesus saved Peter. He does that for us too friends, when we give our life to Jesus he immediately saves us from hell. Let that sink in for a moment…..

When I am on the glass water, not one wave I walk confidently with Jesus…. but when that wind comes I get so focused on the wind that I forget to just say Lord, help. I can spend days, weeks, or even months asking why instead of crying out help.

When I remember he immediately meets me in the waves that are swallowing me whole at times…. His peace covers me and the waves stop knocking me down. I hear Him “(fill in your name) You of little faith… why did you doubt? Why did you let a hiccup, hurtful comment, anxiety make you doubt what I have called you too? I was seriously right here. Why didn’t you let me grab your hand?” I have to humble myself often to just say, Jesus I am sorry. It is scary, but you are there even when I look away.

Where is God calling you? Are you being swallowed by the wind or are you saying Lord, save me……